So about seasonal friendships…
The fact that the word friendship and seasonal can co-exist saddens me. Okay maybe not saddens (so dramatic) but it definitely blows my mind. I had never really heard of this term until about 2 years ago when I saw a blog about it. Upon glancing through the article, I realized that seasonal friendships are things I’d experienced even before I could formulate or define the term.
The thing about seasonal friendships is that they are bound to happen at least once or multiple times in your life. Think about it, if a relationship with a sibling or even a parent can dissolve on a whim, what would make a friend want to stick around for the long haul? Maintaining friendships is a choice and most of the time friendships are built off of different types of factors, hence, they end based off of factors. For instance, we have the friends we meet in primary school, university, community groups, your neighbourhood, your job, your church, and even on social media. One thing about these various factors is how they are subject to change according to the chapter of our lives.
I mean, you graduate grade 5, woohoo, on to the next. You bag that bachelor’s degree, now you have to (or need to) get a job. Hm you don’t like this job, time to pivot and change careers and hopefully be at a company you love or yet do the entrepreneur life. Here’s the big one, you fully immerse yourself in a community of people that share similar beliefs and values so much as your entire identity revolves around it and you suddenly decide to move on (oddly specific). My point is, in all of these different trajectories we find ourselves, it is in our nature to build relationships with people and as our life takes new twists and turns, we morph and adapt, and with that comes the ending and building of relationships.
I was reading a newsletter from ToMySisters (you should check them out) and they brought up a great point, “you can’t find happiness without risking seasons of sadness”. The thought was based on a book called Skin In The Game by Nassim Nicholas Taleb. Maybe I’ll add it to my never ending list of books to read. But honestly though, if we didn’t risk the seasons of ending a refreshing friendship, or much needed community for a particular chapter in our life, we miss out on all the goodies that come with that very same ending friendship.
While this is true, I still have my question of “but why does it have to end?” Why can’t we still be friends? I ask myself these questions and also have somewhat half-thought answers to them. I mean for one, there are tons of circumstances that could impact the dynamic of a close knitted friendship to end or change to become a once in a year catch-up. For example, I had this friend (if you know me irl, byeee) who I believe was one of my very good friends and long story short, we moved countries, moved schools, and our lives drastically changed compare to what it was when we first started nurturing our relationship. It went from shallow text message exchanges such as “how are you?, I’m good you?”, to yearly birthday messages, to knowing nothing about their lives but still viewing their IG stories. I’ve had people who I was super close with when I did an exchange program to a different country and now, I can’t remember the last time we spoke.
I look back on these seasonal friendships and I think I did my part in trying to be in their lives and didn't see it being reciprocated. And then I suddenly remember when people have pursued me in friendships and I didn't feel the need to continue a friendship due to changes in our lives. If you think I have a point to make at the end of this blog, you are wrong lol. I don’t even know the point I’m trying to make because I’m still learning about this rollercoaster concept called friendships/relationships.
Embracing seasonal friendships is hard. You want to let go but you also want to be selfish and hope things remain the same. But when we don’t change, when our lives are literally destined to evolve and take new paths, I think we rob ourselves of new experiences, and maybe even the joy of a fresh start, and better yet, an unexpected growth in ending a friendship and gaining new perspectives.
Well, I wrote this mainly because of the wave of emotions I noticed I was feeling from knowing two of my close friends are moving cities. There is room to embrace the changes in seasons and allow the friendships to naturally fizzle away, and there is also a space to be intentional about staying friends regardless of ebbs and flows of life. Regardless, I hope one day I can look back and rejoice in all the friendships and relationships, both good and bad, that have shaped me into who I am.
Grace & Peace.
